I did the laundry the other day and folded little clothes. This time, however, I took a long time to fold them. I had decided it was finally time to clean out my little one’s drawers. Newborn, 3 months, 6 months sized clothing. He will never fit into them again.
As I sat there and folded teeny, tiny clothes, I reminisced. Where has this past year gone? I remember when he wore his first Valentine’s Day shirt. He was only five weeks old. At the time, the shirt was way too big for him. His first set of footie pajamas. His first t-shirt that wasn’t a onesie. His first Easter shirt. His first Fourth of July shirt. I smelled each one as I folded them and placed them into a bag.
Then there it was. The outfit he wore the day he came home from the hospital. So small. So cozy. And just like that, the tears fell. Had I missed it all? Had I wished for this year to go by quickly? I folded this set of clothing and put them off to the side.
The mountain of teeny, tiny clothes was slowly dwindling down. I now had two large bags in front of me that were filled to capacity. I know they should go to someone who needs them. But why was this process so hard for me? Those bags were filled with my memories. With our memories. My little one will never remember any of it. But I do. I always will. Giving this bag away is like giving away my memories. Giving away a part of myself.
Will these clothes be loved the way we did? Will they experience the same joy they did when they were with us? It just seems so unfair that this time of life has to go by so quickly.
I tied the bags shut and stared at them for awhile. Memories faded in and out. The first time he rolled over. The first time he raised his hand up on the play mat to touch a toy. The first time he sat up. The first time he crawled. The first time he recognized our dog. These clothes had seen so many firsts.
These clothes are not only my little ones but many of them were passed down from my oldest. Two sets of memories in most of these clothes. Yes, life does seem unfair when you think about how fast this time does go.
Those bags are still sitting in my basement. I want to make sure I find someone who really needs it. Or maybe it is just my way of stalling. My way of trying to keep my little one little forever.
I then took the outfit he wore the day he came home from the hospital and stored it away in our memory box. It is like saying goodbye to a dear friend who is moving far away.
Life will go on. But the past will forever remain in those clothes.
It is so hard to say goodbye. But, I know they will make someone very happy. And that is the purpose of these teeny, tiny clothes.
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