Category: Life

A Mommy of Just Boys

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It started right after my husband and I had a gender reveal party for our second little one. We both held onto the knife as we cut a slice and, lo and behold, it was blue. Another boy. I was beyond ecstatic, not only for my husband and myself, but for my oldest. He would have a friend for life. They would be just over 2 years apart. They will be best friends! Then came this: ” You know you have to try for a third now.” “Oh, you need a little girl in your life. You have to have a third!” “Don’t you miss having a little girl?” Even the minute after my little one was born, a nurse said to me “I guess we will be seeing you back here in a few years for that girl”.

My favorite one also is “Oh bless you. You have two boys”. Yes, I am certainly blessed. But, this is more like a I feel bad for you type of blessing. Um, thanks but no thanks.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know everyone means well. It is just human nature to say these things. However, it actually started to make me doubt myself about having just boys for awhile. I did a lot of soul searching, and a lot of crying over the girl that would most likely never be. There was a definite void that I felt and It was really starting to put a damper on my pregnancy, and for a few months after my little one was born.

Then I started thinking. Is it that bad that I just have boys? Will my life be so much more simpler if I had a girl? Is this societies view on this topic talking? Or do I really need a girl to be complete? I know people who have just boys and they seem happy and content. Is it just me?

Then a view of my life 20 and 30 years from now played over and over in my head. My mom, sister and I send group texts all the time. Who will I group text? (If there is still such a thing as texting then.) Who will I go shopping with? Who is going to pick me up when I am old and can’t drive a car anymore? Then it dawned on me. Why does a girl have to do all of that? My boys may not want to come shopping with me, but I am sure they will drive me places when I get older. And a simple “Hi” sent in a text seems simple but will make this Mommy super excited.

Yes, there are some things that I know for sure will probably never happen. I will never know what it is like to put tiny pink bows on little wispy hair. I will never know what it is like to shop in the girl’s department for my own kids (although, that does’t really count at Target anymore. So, yay me!) I will never know what it is like to throw a bridal or baby shower. Or go prom dress shopping. And, yes, I will always just be the mother in law. This last one scares me more then anything else. Please boys, marry someone who likes me. I know I already love them for loving you.

But there are lots of things that I already have that make my life so amazing and that I wouldn’t change for the world.

I know that I will always be there to kiss scraped knees and to give extra big hugs too.

I know what it is like to be around endless energy and to always be on the go.

I know what it is like to race cars just one more time before bed.

I know what it is like when your little boy looks up at you and, out of no where, says “I love you so much Mommy”. And then gives you the biggest hug before he runs away and leaves you stunned and blessed.

I know what it is like to have the craziest day and then to cuddle at night while we read a book or watch just one more Paw Patrol (because 7 episodes in one day is not enough. Bad Mommy of the year award over here, but, in the words of my grandfather “What are you gonna do?”).

Having a girl would be nice. But, I am so blessed with my amazing, loving, and healthy kids. I couldn’t have asked for anything better. So, the next time you see a Mommy of just boys, think twice before you ask them about “going for the girl”. I highly doubt they want to talk about their procreating time with you. And, in actuality, they are most likely, extremely happy.

Summertime musings

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Hello my fellow readers. Time flies for two reasons for me: 1. I have two kids and 2. It is summertime. Sorry for my delay in posts. I still think about this blog and all of you everyday. I find topics to write about all around me. So, here is my latest and greatest.

My oldest lovely loves to go to the park. So much so that I need to spell it whenever I refer to it when he is in earshot. (I actually think he knows how to spell it now, so eventually I will need a new tactic.) One day a few weeks ago I decided to take my two babies to the park. It was a gorgeous mid May afternoon. After pushing my big guy on the swings, we headed over to the slide. The park was pretty empty except for a few kids from a local daycare center. I was sitting on a bench feeding my little guy and watching my oldest go down the slide. A few benches over I hear one of the daycare center teachers say” What are you a girl? What are you a girl? You can’t like the color pink. Haha. Everyone look (insert name of boy here) likes pink.” And then all the kids, and other teachers, proceed to laugh. I was horrified. A few moments later a little girl fell and started crying. She kept saying “I want my mommy” over and over again. The teacher that was in charge of her group said ” ugh, what time is your mommy coming to pick you up crybaby?”. Now, at this point, I was fuming! I politely asked one of the teachers what daycare center this was. She gave me the name and handed me a business card in case I was interested. I looked at her and said “Oh no. I want to make sure never to put my children in this establishment. And tomorrow I will be contacting your director about the awful scene I just witnessed.”. She was stunned and didn’t say anything. I got my oldest and we left the park.
Let me be honest. I definitely lost my patience when I was in the classroom. But I taught older kids. You can reason with older children. These poor babies were just that: babies. I wanted to cry watching their faces.

Another observation I had just today was our society’s reliance on cell phones. I know I have written about this before but I can’t help but notice. We were at the park again and this time there was a larger group of kids. As I was watching my oldest, I happen to see a little boy trying to get his mom’s attention. She kept saying “One minute” as she searched on her cell phone and talked to her other mommy friends. Her son left and was running around like crazy. He wasn’t watching and bumped into another kid. He started crying and the mom came over. She started blaming the other kid right away. Of course, she never saw what happened since her attention was on her phone and conversation. Had she been watching (like I was), she would have known that it was her son who bumped into the other kid.

I get it. I’ve been engrossed in my cell phone too. But not at the park or any public place. These babies need our attention and support. Leave the cell phone usage for nap times (unless it is an emergency).

Let me know what you think on any of the topics discussed today. I love to hear from all of you :).

Fiction in 50: The Truth is…..

***Oops! The prompt was suppose to be “The Trouble With…”. Oh well. I don’t know where my mind is. It was so good that I’m going to keep it anyway. Enjoy!
You all know my love for words. So, I am taking on another fiction story written in 50 words. No more. No less.  The prompt for this time is “The Truth Is…”. Let me know what you think.

The truth is it’s the little things that matter most. Laundry and dishes will pile up. Work will become mind numbingly mundane. But in the end all that matters is the laughter. The love. The hugs. The memories.  Time well spent where you were in the moment. That’s the truth.

You should give it a try. It is fun for the brain!

A Simple Hello

Today’s post will be a short one. But I needed to write about it. Last night right before I put my little ones to sleep, my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number and at first I wasn’t going to answer it. I decided to answer anyway and it turned out to be my aunt. I hadn’t heard from her in awhile. She had called to say congratulations on having a new baby. It was such a great phone call and put a huge smile on my face. This aunt is one of my older aunts and she lived in an era with no emails, no texts, no video chat. In a world where technology has taken over proper social etiquette, this phone call was so sweet.

What is one thing you miss from the pre smartphone world (if you are old enough to remember)? Comment below!

Respect and Tolerance

My original post was going to be about respect and watching what you say to others. The past few weeks I have come into contact with people that need a lesson in respect. I’ll give you an example of the disrespect I’ve come across. I was food shopping with my two lovelies. My little one was sleeping and my oldest one and I were talking about the different shapes we saw in the store (once a teacher, always a teacher). An older woman passed by us and glanced our way. I didn’t think anything of it until she came back and said “Oh wow. You have two boys so close in age.  God bless you”. The way she said God bless you was more of an insult than praise. Haven’t people heard that if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all. This is just a tip of the iceberg when it comes to the disrespect I’ve encountered.

Then I decided I needed to include the importance of tolerance into this as well. Where did this stem from? The Bruce Jenner interview with Diane Sawyer. I was so moved by his explanations. I think he is a very brave man. I also think he is going to give courage to many different groups in this world. I know, you’re probably saying “Mrs. Z. This guy is associated with that family”. Well, first of all he has been around a lot longer than those people. Second, he is teaching so many people a great lesson. People are going to ridicule. But for me, it was eye opening. I was never a popular kid in school. To be honest, I was tormented for a large part of my adolescence. Some of it was self induced. However, it had a lot to do with how I didn’t fit the “norm”. I wore black, a lot. I listened to Nine Inch Nails and Nirvana. I was the quiet kid who prayed everyday I wasn’t noticed. Looking back on it, I would have changed some parts. You know how teenage hormones can get the best of you. But I think Bruce Jenner letting everyone in on his life (which he did not have to do), will give a lot of people hope. Adults and kids alike.

As I’ve gotten older I have realized why people tend to be disrespectful or intolerant in a situation they don’t agree with. The situation must hit home. It must make them feel insecure or unsure about themselves and the only way to deal with it is to ridicule and put others down. I have a few choice words for those bullies that made my life miserable for so many years. However, I know I am better than them. So, I will keep those choice words to myself. To all of you who are amazing, keep at it. The world is better with you in it.

And to any person who is reading this that may feel down about themselves, you are amazing. And if anyone asks who told you that just tell them Mrs. Z said so. And then tell them that you know you are amazing because you are. Keep doing you!!

Love to all of you!

Boobs vs. Boobs

The breastfeeding wars. I don’t completely understand it. Why are people judging one another on how they feed their babies? Can someone be so sanctimonious about someone else’s choice? You know how I feel about this topic. I had written a post about my pumping experience with my oldest. I am currently pumping for my littlest pumpling (a term I recently found and love using!). I don’t think I am going to make the six month mark like I did the last time. But pumping is my comfort zone. I read this article about something called discreet breastfeeding. The author talks about how she was told she had to discreetly breastfeed her child when she was in public. The author then goes on to say why do women who breastfeed need to cover up in public but when women go out for fun their breasts are on full display. I for one agree with this. I pump for breastmilk because I am not comfortable with my child eating straight from the tap (again, more mommy slang) and my kids don’t have a great latch which makes it very painful for me. However, I would never ask a woman to not breastfeed in public or to cover up. That is her choice. There is definitely a double standard when it comes to this. Why can a woman dressing provocatively be acceptable but a woman feeding her child, which is completely natural, cause such controversy?

I think it is time for people to be more understanding and stop being so self righteous. There are worse things to worry about than a woman feeding her child. You know, I’m just saying.

Here is a picture of Le Pump. Yes, I gave it a fancy name. We spend so much time together. Plus, if you don’t have a sense of humor through all of this, it will drive you coocoo.
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What are your thoughts on this topic? Comment below!

You can also contact me at themrszfiles@gmail.com.

Time to get healthy!

Wow!! Time flies with two kids! My littlest is 6 weeks old already. In the vast scheme of things, that’s nothing. But it feels like he has been with us forever. With all of the love, smiles, good times(and some not so good times) it is time for mommy to pay attention to one very important person: ME.

I know it won’t be easy. I definitely did not have a super healthy diet during this pregnancy. And I kind of held onto it these past 6 weeks. Besides running after my 2 year old, exercise was nonexistent. So now it is time to get back at it. I have 10 pesky pounds that need to go!!

I am attempting to fit in 20 minutes of the treadmill at least three days a week. That will be my starting point. By April I hope to be at four days. Wish me luck. And if anyone has any suggestions on how to fit exercise in to my daily routine with two kids, please comment away!

Oh running shoes. I have missed you so!
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A rainy day thought

Today was a rainy morning where we live. While my son and I were playing with his toys it reminded me of a rainy day during the summer. I had never shared this picture with you and I couldn’t wait to write to all of you :).

On that rainy summer day, we had played with toys but after about 2 hours we were both getting bored. So Mommy decided to take out the paint. I figured why not. Let’s get messy. And that is exactly what we did. My son fingerpainted for a good 90 minutes and Mommy just let him go (even though my inner voice was screaming “What a mess!!”. Sometimes my OCD gets the best of me but that day I just let him have fun.).

Paint wound up going everywhere. But the thing that I noticed more than anything was his hands. I couldn’t resist taking a picture. I just thought it was the cutest and sweetest thing. And now I will share it with you:

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Adorable right? I am so glad I let go of my insecurities about the mess. We would have missed out on an awesome painting session. But most of all just letting my son be what he is: a kid. Here’s to the little things :).

P.S. This is what my little Picasso made:

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You can also contact me at themrszfiles@gmail.com.

Never forget….

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Today’s blog post is in memory of all those lost. I wrote this a few years ago for a friend who taught a high school English class. It was a personal account text.

I want to preface this by saying that I was not in the city on the day of this tragedy. I do not know anyone personally who was lost in the towers. I have heard many stories from family and friends about their experiences. My account is one from the outer boroughs and of a New Yorker who will forever remember and will feel that sense of loss. The true heroes of that day were the FDNY, the NYPD, the Port Authority Police, and the brave souls who saved countless lives.

I remember the night before (September 10th) I had gone out with a few friends. Being a college student, going out was a way of life. I had a 9:25 class that next morning and getting in late that night did not help the matter. I had gotten up at around 8:55 on September 11th and figured I was either going to be late or I would just cut class. I took a shower, looked at the clock and figured I would chance it. I turned on the TV to watch the news as I got ready. On the screen was a burning building and I thought to myself,” What cheesy movie is this?”. I changed the station and the same image was there. After changing to the third station, it seemed like something had happened. As I listened to the news report, the second plane hit into the second tower.  I was speechless.

Moments later, they cut in saying that a plane had crashed at the Pentagon and then in Pennsylvania. I remember looking up at the ceiling of my room and wondering when was the next one going to happen and who was doing this? I had never felt fear like that before. Phone lines were jammed, so it took awhile to get in touch with anyone. My cousin was a sophomore at NYU and his dorm was a few blocks away from Ground Zero. I can still hear my grandmother screaming upstairs saying he was alright. He was walking across the 59th street bridge, where my uncle would pick him up.

All day, people were walking around dazed and unsure of what to expect next. One memory that will always stay with me is one of a neighbor. We were all out on our porches, stunned and talking about the day’s events. A woman down the block from me had been worried all day because her husband had been in the South Tower doing construction. She had heard from him when the plane hit, but had heard nothing since. Suddenly, there was a scream and we all turned. Her husband was walking down the block and they just hugged. We were all quiet and then someone started clapping and that sound reverberated throughout the street for a few moments.

I went to Saint John’s University. When classes resumed, I remembered going into the room and was stunned for a moment. From the windows you could see the still smoldering Ground Zero. It was a humbling experience and that first class was one of silence and discussion.

Ten years (it is now 13 years) have come and gone since those moments. It still seems like yesterday. The pain never really goes away. I mourn the loss of those souls. I know this was a national tragedy. However, being a New Yorker, there is a scar that will never be healed. There is a hole in our skyline. It will always be there. However, those people that are now heroes did something that day that will never be forgotten. Their memory lives on in those smiles that we give each other every day. If anything was learned from this tragedy it is that of acceptance. We are all different. If we were all the same it would be rather boring. Think twice before you say something negative to someone. You never know how it will affect them or if it will be the last thing you ever say to them.

Please never forget….